These past few weeks have been a bit rough. Its as though God were holding my heart much like holding a cookie jar, and He has just turned that jar over to pour everything out & show me whats inside. I know He’s still shaking that jar until not a crumb is left.
And I’m just….. thankful.
Thankful because He cares enough to uproot the ugly and to align my heart and mind to His will. Thankful because my sister is getting married in 10 days! Because her fiance loves the Lord and makes us laugh. Thankful because tonight I got to see my best friend who has been living as a missionary in Italy for the last 10 months! I love her so much. Just her seeing her face fills me with joy. Kindred hearts is the only way I can explain it. Thankful because I can see from where it is the Lord had brought me.
I found a journal from when I was 16! I was working at a cafe then and It had only been a year since I started following Christ. Its funny to listen to my 16 year old self. I wrote an entry that started like this: “I’ve come to the realization that I dearly abhor pain. Not only physical pain but spiritual and emotional pain as well…” I then went on to write about how hard it had been since my parent’s divorce. I don’t think I would have understood God’s goodness in suffering then. I now see His grace and kindness everywhere. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed poetry. E.E. Cummings was my favorite. I go back to reading my favorite poems from time to time but never as much as I did back then. I wrote this in my journal “I really like reading Cumming’s selected poetry… I wonder if he ever heard the gospel..” I used to do that a lot! I had forgotten about that. I remember praying that Tom Hanks would hear the gospel because I liked him so much growing up hahaha. I would only pray for the famous people I liked (yikes!).The way I journal has changed too. I had forgotten how scatterbrained I used to be. And though I was writing to remember, I wrote as though talking to an audience instead of directly to God. I’m thankful that’s changed. The Lord has brought me so far! I’m so glad that I’ve kept journals for so many years. It gives me PLENTY of reasons to go back and consider His faithful and be in awe.
I too say along with Lewis..
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”
-Pati
Just Another Rational Romantic 